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[29 Mar 2005|12:53pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]

Today..is a beautiful day outside and for some reason...I feel happy. For the first time in a REALLY LONG time..I feel happy, I have all this stuff I have to do and it doesnt bother me...Im hungry and it's ok, I am with no one and it is OK...it feels ok to be alone it feels NICE TO BE ALONE. Thank you, YOU. without that I don't think I would have felt like I do today. or would have even noticed what an amazing day it is outside. Im excited to see my cousin, cannot wait to give her a kiss and give the Ian a kiss, simply since they love me no matter what, and Ian is the only one who reads this stupid thing. Michelle came into my room this morning and showed me her bag from H&M, and I got excited, CANNOT WAIT to work, be on my break, go to NJ and be in the sun in august with the family. so much to look forward to so little time!!!

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[17 Mar 2005|11:22am]
[ mood | calm ]

so...its all over...I wrote him a letter...hopefully he will read, be emotional and let me know what he felt about it. He wasnt ready, almost two years and if one thinks there was nowhere else to go but to marriage and I don't want it, he doesnt want it and why be together and stay on a plateau. I think we should have a good time, enjoy being single, enjoy dating, enjoy talking to people and meeting people and feeling what it feels like to see other people and find if maybe in the end he will be my soul mate. I have a feeling in my gut that he will find me or I will find him. I know this isnt goodbye. I think we will see and reunite one another and will fall in love FOR REAL next time, maybe not anytime soon but I do want to see him again and I do want to say hello again.


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[14 Mar 2005|09:13pm]
orgasm to death

You Will Die Orgasming To Death!

When it comes to sex, you're like an energizer bunny on crack.

While this is normally a good thing, you don't cool down when you should.

If you're going to bite the big one while your naked, it will be simple.

Too much fun, and your heart will give out. What a way to go!

How Will You Die Having Sex?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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[10 Mar 2005|12:19pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

life works in such unpredictable ways...first you and now my aunt...on life support, and non responsive. I guess with the priest today I realized how fragile and beautiful life was. She had not responded to anything but all of a sudden he comes to talk to her and she's moving, shes responds to him, I am not religious or anything but something was in that room and it was strong. AND OF ALL THE THINGS....the priest was wearing dickies...what priest wears dickies....he was in there, with all of us, and I trust in my heart that things will work out for the best. Life works in weird ways and it is that, that one needs to remember because if not it passes you by...Im holding on..and praying to that god that I know exists to bring back the love I once had.


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[09 Mar 2005|10:12am]
[ mood | hurt ]

why is it that it always happens like this...fear... that is it, that is what stops everyone and makes everyone hurt...especially me. no consideration no thought, just change. why is it that it has to change..i don't want it to, i want everything to be like it used to, just happy thoughts no awkwardness just love just smiles. I want you to annoy me, i want you to piss me off, I want you to bite me... I want to kiss you, and hug you and know that everything was back to normal, but of course it doesnt work that way, everything has its time and unfortunately this is my time...but its frustrating because its the last thing I want....ugh I hate it, I just you back with me, no more of that stupid word or stupid title...let me know when your actually ready to love me again..ill be waiting..i think.


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[11 Jan 2005|11:28am]
So my second semester started, and I must say that it's different and more difficult. But its also nice cause alex is here now and we can spend time together and see each other more often. I was bored so I wrote in here. I need a bullshit job to start saving up for NYC this summer.

steelers going to superbowl???

Amelia.. babygirl
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[31 Dec 2004|10:09pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I must say it's weird how this year has gone by and so much has gone on and yet it has gone by so fast. I've have my ups and downs, I've learned a couple of things here and there about myself, but I must say there is nothing like ending the year and saying, its been a pretty amazing year and most of all productive.

by the way... alex: you are my light. love "you"

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[06 Dec 2004|11:12pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

What would you do if I told you I missed you?

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[22 Nov 2004|11:34am]
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[17 Nov 2004|11:21am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]


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to: YOU [15 Nov 2004|02:39pm]
[ mood | happy ]

You know, it's funny how I spend the whole weekend with you, I dont see you all day today and I miss you like crazy, I just love being around you, hugging, cuddling even while I am bored out of my mind while you play those video games. Im excited your coming here next semester and all but I still fear youll just run away.

Im going with the rodriguez fam. to disney next week for thanksgiving..SOOOO excited, I wanted to go so bad. It should be interesting to spend a weekend with them, they're good people.

I love YOU, know it, and remember it when you think Im not fighting, because believe me.. im fighting so hard inside to keep us alive.

STEELERS WON AGAIN BOOOYA! 24-10..i think I forgot.

went to david and lisettes wedding on friday it was fun getting dressed up and seeing alex all decked out, my parents love that he came with us, it was a good time, especially seeing him and my brother getting along so much better.

PRAY I get a decent grade on tomorrows test for bio..errrr..


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BLEED BLACK AND GOLD! [01 Nov 2004|10:48am]
[ mood | grateful ]

I must say.... WHAT A FEIT! in it of itself.. who would have EVER thought that the STEELERS would beat the PATRIOTS... we broke the wins.. we finally beat someone who is incredibly respected in football.. EVERYONE... bow down. WE ARE HERE.. who would have ever thought.. its so great.. Im definitely so happy for the team.. they worked hard and played hard..and they deserve every little bit of recognition...

By the way, this weekend was quite a rough one. Alex and I went to a halloween party, and both of us had to calm ourselves.. and needed Silia and Rodrigo's help getting settled considering we didn't think the alcohol would get to either of us so badly. haha but it was nice it was only a couple of blocks aways, and on top of that.. maria and JR werent in town so we where in the clear.. just slept over and took it easy on saturday. LOVE TO ALL.... kisses


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stuck [26 Oct 2004|01:01pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Sometimes I just get so angry with everything. first I get a shitty grade on my exam. Then alex and I get in all these fights during the week and we hit a really big bump in the road. and then I try to get my exam clarified and it all goes down hill, I plan to meet with my professor today and then all of a sudden Im yelling at michelle. what the hell. can the world just stop for a second and give me a break, Im falling apart inside. Ive been happy this far and I can keep going, it's just annoying when it feels like the world is against you. All I needed to hear was my moms voice, needed for her to tell me everything will be fine. Then I talk to alex and he tells me everything will be fine, i'll be ok and that to just learn what I can do to do better next time I just want a break, I know I have dance tonight until 10 but I just want to hear and see my baby's eyes and face.

I guess Scarlett, got deperate with finding a jazz teacher.. NO ONE will fill julies shoes.

I love you cindy. haha you're great.

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LOST IN MY OWN THOUGHTS [20 Oct 2004|11:49pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I dont know anymore.. if it's only me. or if it's him.. or if it's both of us. I just get so frustrated... maybe we do need some sort of break.. but I also don't want to have one and then never see him again. I trust that he won't find anyone like me.. but what am I to do, when I feel like I'm missing something inside. I dont know what it is.. but it's annoying me.. I think it's attention.. I used to always feel like I was the center of everything and now I feel like I've been pushed aside sometimes.. it gets annoying.. UGH someone I need help or find some reason or solution to how I have been feeling. I know though that whatever may be will only happen because it was meant to happen.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! [03 Oct 2004|05:54pm]
[ mood | happy ]


going on:

I must say this was one of the best "birthday weeks" ever. SO wednesday, I have class at 12:30pm. took my math test did really well and hung out. I had dance that night and I initally was supposed to go out with Michelle and Alex to Outback since I couldnt go home for dinner cause my dad was getting there too late. So since michelle was gonna be outta town this weekend and couldnt come to my family dinner on saturday she said she would treat me to dinner with alex. So she tells me while we are leaving that we need to go by the FIJI house ( Phi Gamma Delta) to pick something up from one of the guys. I wasnt crazy about it all but whatvever. So as I walk into the FIJI house, all the FIJI guys and almost everyone from my floor wished me a happy birthday surprise with a cake and everything. Michelle... my roomate that ive known for like a month and everyone from the floor even Andrew, my RA surprised me. Alex, my mom and dad all knew. it was so sweet. sweeter than what eric did for me on my 17th birthday because i know that it wasnt done to try to get me to sleep with them, it was done because they wanted to see me happy. I LOVED IT. sucks that i was sick, but i gained a new respect for the FIJI guys. They where all so incredibly sweet.

So this saturday I had my dinner, it was so amazing to see Alex's family mix so well with mine. NO CONFLICTS everyone got along beauitfully. Cindy and David where there, my brother and his GF Roxy, Silvia Carlos, Raul Oscar. David and Lisette.. everyone I loved it. We had a dinner a good cake from LUCILA YUM! and lots of great music... much better than the year before considering I didnt feel like i had to entertain anyone this time, or like anyone felt "left out" Im so glad that all that drama is over, Im so much happier than before. All that was missing was Maura.. cause she was the one that had to ditch me for FSU! lol i love you anyways girl.

I have lots to look forward to... November 12th, David and Lisette my parents friends are getting married, and Alex is coming with me to the wedding. And then in December after the end of the semester, Cindy, David, Alex and I are going to Islands of Adventure. I love all of us together.. we're so mature, and even more I love how we can fight in front of each other or not see each other for weeks and still get along so great. AND not get shit for not calling each other... so GLAD the drama is not there.

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[03 Oct 2004|12:31am]
It just all gets annoying....
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surprising [23 Sep 2004|07:21am]
You know it is surprising when you are so used to being a drama queen all the time, and for once you actually feel...fulfilled. Everything has worked out fine, I like michelle, she's actually cool as hell, and a great roomate. Amaia on the other hand is a pain in our asses. doesnt clean doesnt take into consideration she lives with other people...kind of rude, whatever she doesnt talk much so its easy to ignore or avoid her. I just need to get my period and it's really frustrating when you havnt gotten it...you know what I mean.

All the girls on my floor keep hanging out with the FIJI boys ( a frat here) and they are getting themselves in trouble cause you can tell the guys are already trying to take advantage of them... its annoying whatever.

I took my first test today...hope it went well.
love you all..especially "you"
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FU UM. [26 Aug 2004|11:20am]
[ mood | confused ]

You know, I think too much about it all and it does get frustrating. I guess he's happy where he is. and it does get annoying when you dont see him all day and all he wants to talk about is what he talked about with his new friends. but now he has this friend mallory... NOT the same one, I met her for a second and she seems harmless, but its so annoying hearing him say he's in her dorm hanging out. what does that make me think, or go through my head. UM sucks. I feel out of place there, I feel kind of out of place in FIU sometimes too. I just hopes it all works out. the thing with UM is that there are so many incredibly FAKE people. EVERYWHERE! I guess you need to find your nitch. alex found his at FEC. Their really nice people and they are all very welcoming knowing I dont even go to their shcool, but whatever, im with alex and he has been surrounded by pretty decent people. his judgement isnt off and I know if he really was stupid enough to make wrong decisions he would probably leave me before hand anyways. he's immature though he is soaking it all in. he saw anna yesterday and told me it felt insincere. not surprised. he said he could tell she thought she was better than everyone because she goes to UM and you can smell how she looked down to those in FIU. I could do better than FIU, and I have thought about transfering to UM, the only difference is I wouldnt be a fucking big head of an ego if I went there. they have a kick ass football team. Im going to the
FSU v. UM game, using my brothers GF's ticket. WOOHOO cant wait!.

pre season game STEELERS tonight. woohoo! LOVE TO ALL.

MOVE INTO MY DORM TOMORROW.. LETS ALL PRAY THE ROOMATES ARE COOL! got a bunch of shit for the room and I am SOOOO excited.

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BLOW ME CHARLEY! [12 Aug 2004|05:42pm]
I really hope this stupid ass hurrican doesnt fuck with my vacation, i didnt work my ass off for 7 weeks to spend a week at home with not getaway! well, next week is OFFICIALLY one year, i mean it was the day he told me how he felt and i was to be his lova! im so happy. we finally sorted the shit out with mallory. she was at Molly's party the other night, good thing i felt confident and was lovin up on ma man!. i love when I see people and they're like "are you and alex still together" NO SHIT... why wouldnt be?

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[05 Aug 2004|05:30pm]
I practically had a nervous breakdown today.
I wanted to major in Interior Design for school, not the more I thought about it I wanted it. now the thing is that I needed to take two classes at MDCC in order to get those credits because the architecture school at FIU had all it's studio seats filled. I thought of thats not so bad, I'll drive to MDCC twice a week forr two hours whatever. I go to day and turns out I need to apply to Miami Dade, I need to register blah blah blah, a million lines everywhere, a million things all over the place.. a million offices to go into, i didn't know where to go! I talk to this lady and she's really helpful i do all this paperwork, I also had to get an ID number and all this shit, and finally i am ready to register. mind you MDCC is practically outside, no AC in miami....I WAS DYING! and I WAS STRESSED! (anyone who knows me, knows how i get when im HOT and when IM STRESSED....) finally when I go to sign up for these stupid ass classes there is like only one class in the KENDALL campus, there is one in the WOLFSON campus in downtown miami, and I can't take just one class...these two classes HAVE TO BE taken together or i dont get the credit. and on top of it there is like only one seat left in both, im freaking out, they are at weird hours on opposite sides of the world, they are all over the place, it is driving me crazy. I begin to want to cry so what do i do..what every other teenager who has a straight head on does... I call my mommy. ready to cry I am seeing this whole interior design thing falling apart before me,,, maybe this isn't meant to be.

I took it as a sign.. this is DEFINITELY NOT meant to be. so my mom and dad (talked to them both) both said to "fuck it" just take your core classes the first semester, take it easy not to freak out, that maybe this isnt the time and maybe it isnt the path i should take. I talked to alex he told me not to worry, that he loved me and that it was a sign that i shouldnt be doing this yet. ugh it's great to hear that from people you love...that I will be ok, that I am not gonna be starving that I am gonna be O.K.

i WANT to major in Dance..crazy? yes.. get a degree for teaching it? yes..i know sounds useless.. but it isnt to me. it's somewhat stressful to be a dancer, but i love the life, i love the feeling of watching it, of doing it of feeling it. whether it pays a lot or not... i love it more than ANYTHING in this world, it makes me want to cry sometimes but at the end of the day DANCING is my true passion.

Im excited to go to see collateral tomorrow with Alex....
and Lisette's bridal shower is on saturday, and Im going with my mom and silvia..im excited for that.
Anyways thats all for my day, Im feeling better. and happier hopefully i can figure out what Im taking this semester.
love to all
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